What You Really Wish You Could Say

Big Sur, California

Big Sur, California (Photo credit: the_tahoe_guy)

I thought I’d ramble a bit today rather than giving you more real estate info.  I know you want more, more, more but here’s something a little different.  Oh, and you’re probably wondering what a picture of Big Sur has to do with anything.  Nothing…nope, not a darn thing, other than possibly because it’s in California  – you’ll see the relevance in a bit .  Mainly I just like it.  So, without further ado (a word I rarely use – is it even a real word?), on with today’s ramblings:

So, we all know there are times when we’d like to say one thing but know we should say another.  The following is what some California teachers wanted to say on the school’s voicemail – of course, it didn’t happen.

“Hello. You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection.

  • To lie about why your child is absent, press 1.
  • To make excuses for why your child did not do his homework, press 2.
  • To complain about what we do, press 3.
  • To swear at staff members, press 4.
  • To ask why you didn’t get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you, press 5.
  • If you want us to raise your child, press 6.
  • If you want to reach out and touch, slap, or hit someone, press 7.
  • To request another teacher, for the third time this year, press 8.
  • To complain about bus transportation, press 9.
  • To complain about school lunches, press 0.
  • If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it’s not the teacher’s fault for your child’s lack of effort, hang up and have a nice day!”

So now I’m thinking about what I’d like to say on my voicemail….maybe something like this:

  • If you’d like to offer $250,000 for the house that’s listed at $950,000, press 1
  • If you ‘d like to list your house for $200,000 more than every other identical house on your street, press 2
  • If you want to list your house but don’t want to pay more than 1% commission, press 3
  • If you think real estate agents are grossly overpaid for the amount of work they do, press 4
  • If your house is listed and you want to insist on holding an open house every weekend, press 5
  • If you’ve found a house you love but only want a few minor changes such as the location, size, and price, press 6
  • If you’ve found the ideal house and everything is great except the color of the living room walls so therefore you don’t want to buy it, press 7
  • If you’d like for me to show you 175 houses but then use your sister-in-law to write the purchase agreement, press 8
  • If you want to list your home at the price that you “need” to get rather than what it’s actually worth, press 9

Oh the joy of being a real estate agent!  We do have our fun days occasionally…

Hope you’re enjoying the bitter cold as I am (if you’re in my neck of the woods).  It’s downright painfully cold!  Currently 2 above but sunny so all in all, not a bad day for Minnesota.


About Bob Gilbert, GRI

Realtor with Edina Realty, Prior Lake, MN
This entry was posted in Miscellaneous, Real Estate Humor and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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